Civility Never Goes Out of Style
by Linda Melski
Hospitality is one of those words that to me feels old-fashioned . We need to find a way to freshen it up and encourage more welcoming in our everyday lives. These topics always have me thinking where and how my life has been impacted by the topic. When we moved to our current home nearly thirty years ago and joined the local UU Fellowship we met the founder, Lori Pederson. Lori was a very active UU at many levels. She was responsible for my involvement with the Local Committee at GA in Milwaukee. My assignment was Hospitality - for a few thousand people. As a first year project we made up our activities as we went along. Still in existence today are the “Ask Me” people who help us find our way. I took it to mean a smile and welcome for everyone. I now realize that I was practicing the rules of the “Fish” philosophy. First choose your attitude, second be present, third play and fourth make their day. It was fun. It was also exhausting trying to get people who didn’t get the concept involved. People would come up to me and comment afterwards. Was I signing to this person who was hard of hearing? Not really, but I do use my hands a lot. And they would congratulate me for making the man feel comfortable. Isn’t that what it is all about?
Hospitality in UUism has many applications. We need to be conscious of welcoming the new person into our churches. It is so much easier to say hello to our friends than reach out and invite someone to the coffee hour and show them where to hang their coat. This has been a chronic subject for assembly meetings. I don’t have a solution but after watching several applications of the Fun Theory videos I am going to try and invent one. All it needs is a reward for being mindful of the new person’s presence and needs.
Several years ago we were offered another opportunity to share our hospitality. This time three Tibetan monks stayed with us for five days. Their English was minimal and our Tibetan non-existent. Everything was a challenge and a novelty. How do you turn on the shower? Where can we meditate? Can we play with the dogs? Would you like more to eat? Eating was a favorite activity. French toast every morning fit the bill. And there wasn’t much they wouldn’t try. I did learn later that meatloaf which I served their first night was not a favorite. Much preferred were French Fries from Burger King.
Most recently I was working on a fundraiser for survivors of domestic violence. Weighed down with Mardi Gras beads in the spirit of the evening, I gave almost all of them away as I greeted people along with Mr. Mardi Gras and another man from Ghana who just bubbled with joy. Once more we heard how nice an event it was and people reflected their feelings by bidding generously.
In my opinion civility never goes out of style. Every time you can reach out to someone, think of it as paying forward to the next generation a kinder, gentler world in which to live.
Linda Melski has been a UU for 35 years. She is married, with 3 grown offspring and one more wedding coming up. She loves to read, knit, organize and play with her granddaughter and dogs.
Donate